two thoughts that helped to keep me semi-sane during the first month of motherhood

Sure, she's sleeping now. . .

#1 God knows how much sleep you need.

Sleeping was really hard at first. I would get into bed (sometimes with Ellie beside me, sometimes with her in the nursery) and try desperately to relax. My mind wouldn't cooperate: I couldn't stop thinking and planning and wondering. Will she wake up? Will nursing ever not hurt? Did I put the laundry in the dryer? Why can't I fall asleep? She's going to wake up soon! If I don't go to sleep right now I'll be a wreck tomorrow! Bedtime was more stressful than restful.

After a while, though, I realized that every morning when I woke up, I felt okay. I could face that day. Even if Ellie had cried for an hour in the middle of the night-- which, thank God, didn't happen very often-- I was able to take care of her and not fall over in exhaustion. When I went to bed, then, I could trust the Lord to give me enough sleep.

So instead of freaking out about not sleeping, I started to think, I don't have to worry. Ellie might be fussing now, but she will sleep eventually . . . it will be better in the morning. Even if I can't fall asleep right away, I can lie here and rest. That will be good too.

 Don't you know, I fell asleep faster.

Magnesium also helped. :)

In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Psalm 4:8

Look at those skinny legs!

#2 When your baby is crying, she is sad.

In other words, she is not being "bad." You don't have to worry about spoiling her, because she only wants to be fed, kept warm, and cuddled. Pick her up and love her.

When Ellie would scrunch up her face and wail at the top of her lungs, it helped a lot to remember that she simply needed me. I didn't get angry at her, because I knew that she was not trying to get on my nerves. When I thought of her crying as an expression of sadness, rather than as a pointless irritation, it helped me to be compassionate towards my baby.

Sometimes we let her cry in her crib now because we can tell the difference between "I am annoyed and need to go to sleep" and "oh help I'm scared and need to be held!" When she was really little, though, she didn't know how to fuss herself to sleep, so crying was pretty much a distress signal to be answered immediately.