Sometimes it seems to me that the course of her entire life rests on my decisions, and that if I mess something up when she's 6 months old she'll still be dealing with the scars at 46. After all, I'm going to be the most important person in her tiny existence . . so it follows that I bear the responsibility for who she is, what she believes, and how she lives until the end of time. Right?!!
Freakout material right there.
My dad is really good at counteracting this type of thinking. He has often reminded me that God reigns, regardless of the unwise choices we may make or the foolish things we may say. Of course those things matter. But they shouldn't cause us to despair. The fear of mistakes shouldn't deter us from living freely.
(Besides, though parents do indeed shape their children in infinite ways, it's not as if I'm spinning the thread of my daughter's life like all three Fates wrapped up in one. Perhaps overestimating influence is just as dangerous as overestimating it?)
All right. So I'm going to live life. I'm going to love our baby and do what I think is best for her. I'm also going to keep learning, keep thinking, and keep believing that God will be faithful to reveal the truth to me-- and to this child.
Freakout over.
