27 November 2012

"oh no, don't bother"

I have plenty of time to think these days. We are living with Jared's parents until our house is ready, a situation which-- while delightful in many ways, and nothing like those dreaded parents-in-law stories you may have heard-- leaves me at a loss for occupation. I can't do anything at our house right now, because all of the remodeling either involves heavy lifting or lots of chemicals. I have two small rooms to keep in order, which is certainly not demanding, and as for work, it comes in spurts: one week I've got ten short stories and five persuasive essays to edit, and the next week, practically nothing. I don't have any of my craft and art supplies with me (dumb. I shouldn't have put them in the storage unit) and even I can only read so much before my head splits.

So. Thinking. I do that.

(Plus plenty of sleeping. If you could stock up on sleep, oh man, I would have one fat account. Too bad I won't be able to draw upon it after the baby is born!)

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I wonder, for example, why it is so hard to let other people bless us. At least it can be hard for me.

One stock answer is pride: we believe that we should be able to do everything ourselves, so we don't want to admit our weakness and ask for help. I think that is a legitimate possibility. Pride poisons a lot of things. For me, though, I see another reason, and that's cynicism.

I mentioned this in a post over the summer. I tend to assume that people don't care about me and that if they offer to serve me in any way, they're doing it out of a sense of obligation rather than sincere love. Why is that? I'm really not sure. After all, for the most part, I enjoy blessing others. If I bring them a present or go out of my way to help them, I'm not acting out of guilt or legalism-- I am happy to do it!

Yet . . . I insist on believing that others don't feel the same way about me. When I am offered an unexpected gift, I get suspicious, and I am more likely to say "oh no, don't bother" than to graciously accept it.

That's silly. I want to have more faith in people, and less skepticism. I don't think it honors my friends to be insistently independent, to push away their help.

What other obstacles might stand in the way of accepting blessing?

3 comments:

  1. I have been thinking about this a lot, Rebekah. I totally identify with you on the cynicism side. It's easy for me to immediately respond to a compliment or something nice done for me with "you just did that because you have to" or "because you're my boyfriend" or something like that. In the end, it questions the sincerity of the giver, and ultimately hurts the person who is trying to bless me. I find this in myself often with Travis, and it is hurtful when I question his intentions or the truthfulness of his feelings and desires to simply be kind and generous.

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  2. You hit the nail on the head for me. Thanks.

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  3. I can SO relate to the temptation of cynicism, too! I think it shows how we view God, and how he relates to us.

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