22 January 2014

some nights . . . some mornings

Some nights I put all the food away after dinner and wash the dishes, and tidy up Ellie's toys and fold the laundry that was left in the dryer, and all the time Jared has been sitting on the couch with a book. And I think Why isn't he working too? This is no fair.

Some mornings (like today) I crawl out of my sleepy cocoon of goose down and fleece, and look out the wind-chilled window to see this:

Oh. Suddenly I don't feel like complaining anymore.

I am glad that we have different work, and that we each get to rest too, even if at different times. I'm not sure it all shakes out to "fair" in the end, but it's good.

(He does help an awful lot with housework, by the way. However, I gladly take the bulk those responsibilities when it means that he takes on the sunrise snow-shoveling and all the other things I can't/won't do. "Equality" isn't exactly the guiding star of operations around here.)


  1. Love this, friend. Here's to manly work and the men who do it.

  2. I was confident that Jared was a good one, not because he
    does “manly work” but he seems to me as a man who will do “that which needs to be done” regardless of the task. That attitude is worth much more than attempting to parse out roles, duties and male female differentiations. I think the scriptural statement “and the two will become one flesh” bears heavily on this obsessive navel gazing we sometimes do as Christians and goes a very long way to eliminate the male vs female duties/tasks from the marriage equation. Men and women are different in many ways but the in the marriage we are “all in” 100% x 2 = 200% which is a better return on the effort. [Ecclesiastes 4:9-12]

    In my thinking “manly work vs. non-manly work” classification is misplaced and un-scriptural. If we as the body of Christ allow the “manly vs non-manly” work dichotomy into our thinking we unwittingly support the twisted sexual-gender orientation movement. Although it is a brief story the example of
    the “manly” Esau and the “not-so-manly” Jacob is instructive. Isaac’s classification of “manly vs. not-manly” probably contributed to papa Isaac’s treatment of the boys. [Gen 25: 27-28]. Hey for a quiet man hanging about the tent, Jacob eventually gets himself (2) wives and bunches of kids in pretty tough circumstances.

    Today Jacob might be categorized as “effeminate” (both in secular and Christian circles) and be a prime target for the sinful twisting of Gods creational design by the sexual-gender orientation philosophy and movement. In the Body of Christ if we start using the manly vs non-manly work rubric we may unwittingly cause individual men to not develop their gifting to its full potential and use for the service of God and humanity. If this classification distinction in the church is strong enough a “quiet man” like Jacob might even begin to question his created sexual purpose, especially in light of the cultural encouragement he can easily find today.

    In the end by God’s glorious design we have been created male and female and we need not prove this fact of creation to ourselves, friends, church or culture through our pursuits, work and activities. We need more than anything to just live in that truth.

    Sorry for the long diatribe but I believe this issue is important and sometimes the way we handle this in the culture and yes at time in the teaching of the church has been detrimental to marriages and most especially to men within the church.


  3. I like your diatribes. :) And I've thought most of these things myself-- the "reactionary" mindset has again produced a warped image of humanity for many evangelicals.

    In my opinion, as we've scrambled to distinguish between men and women-- which is, as you say, a glorious truth-- we've ended up emphasizing what we do instead of who we are. Instead of celebrating the gifts and responsibilities particular to men and women, and letting them take shape in a variety of ways, we often (ironically) limit manhood/womanhood to what the culture has already defined: trucks and dirt for men, pearls and teapots for women. Foolish and sad.

    I think that we do need to celebrate how God has made us, and that there really are "manly" or "womanly" actions or characteristics. But at the same time, so often the essential question isn't "is this manly/womanly" (leading to, as you say, excessive navel gazing) but "is this good and loving" (standards made far more clear in Scripture!).

    And yes. Jared Gets It Done.

  4. I totally agree with the "good and loving" Scriptural model for marital role guidance. I'm also incredibly grateful for gender differences, especially when my DH is outside blowing snow in subzero temps for the third time in two days--and that he never, ever expects me to do that work. How vain are my petty complaints! Thanks for the reminder. :)